Well, finally I decided: I am a cover. I am afraid. Of me. Of being just me, finally, completely naked by social interface and responsibilities. For many days now I was wondering if I could start and keep my own blog. I was balancing between my oldest dilemma, between public or private. In a blog. How far can I go? How much about me can I reveal to others? Should I hide my real identity, or shouldn’t I care? Should I be someone else?
But if it is to be just another play, another role, what’s the point? Almost every second of
my life I must were a mask, play a role…more or less pleased or suitable for me. Rarely I feel myself , in a perfect accord with me. It’s difficult. Grades of honesty … Freud, was it him? I’m not sure, well, anyway, he said that our essence of being is structured on three levels conscious, subconscious and unconscious.
Well, now I’m about to develop another theory, suitable for our times. There is another level between the first two: the virtual personality. We are blogging or we have e-mail friends, messenger friends, virtual friends. We are living on-line, we are acting and interacting on-line. We are different from our real, conscientious, social face but we are not truly, absolutely honest, sincerely. There must be another level, our ON-LINE-PERSONALITY.
It’s an other live, not so fake like our day by day convenience mask, not so frustrating, but not completely sincere. It will never reach the ultimate level of inner. It’s between the two worlds. It’s great feeling that I can express myself like so easy and natural, not to worry about how do I look or how I’m dressed. On real life you would guess me by my cheap shoes, my bite nails, my lousy look of my hair, my common voice… Well, I can look neat if I’ll try, but what an incredibly relief of “I don’t care” right now …
On the other hand, I will never let you know me hundred percent, as I am, for real, the pure me. I will act very well in a role of a totally sincere and spontaneous person. But I will always keep a secret corner, I will always hide something or exaggerate something. And that’s not because I’m a little natural born liar. It’s because I just can do it. Temptation to be someone else, someone better it’s too big, to facile to reach. After all it’s too deep and too complicated to reveal all. I even don’t know myself so good. And anyway it’s behind the words level. It’s upper. Where myself lives, words are not the measurement unit. So I can not tell you all.
On a virtual thinly ice level, I am dancing in the superb dress of what I always dreamed to be…
So sharp intelligent, smart, romantic, ironical, funny, profound, nasty, clever, deep philosophical, poetic, erudite and so on… Thousand of faces of a precious diamond… Just words …how could it be that easy? Are we cheating someone?
Finally, a blog can be a great way to organize thoughts, to put someone’s opinions and attitudes in some order. It’s an important achievement, still.